


Someone to Save

by ChronicBookworm



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: F/F, Time Travel Fix-It
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-15 04:35:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,020
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17522096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChronicBookworm/pseuds/ChronicBookworm
Summary: She’d forgotten, in that haze of memories that preserves people’s faces but only just enough that you can recognize them later, twisting and distorting them, just how beautiful Kendra was.Buffy goes back in time to try to undo her first death at Glory’s hands, but gets sent back further than intended. This gives her possibilities to change even more, and to take opportunities she’d missed in her previous life.





	Someone to Save

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LittleRaven](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleRaven/gifts).



Dawn was the key. Her blood could, in the right circumstances, open and close portals. The monks, who knew this, had sent Dawn to Buffy, on the premise that Buffy would have a vested interest in making sure Dawn’s blood stayed inside Dawn. Mostly they were correct. But Dawn was an adult, and could make her own decisions now. Even if they were pretty stupid.

“This is a pretty stupid idea,” Buffy told Dawn. “I mean, it’s the best one we have, but it’s pretty stupid.”

Dawn ignored her and continued setting up for the ritual.

“I would like it noted that I object to this course of action,” Giles said, pushing his glasses up his nose.

“But not enough to actually stop her,” Xander commented.

“Well, I don’t see any of you doing anything to stop her, either.”

Nobody said anything, because it was the truth. Like Buffy had said, it was a pretty stupid idea, but they were out of good ones. They’d tried every single good one, and none of them had worked.

This was the kind of discussion they’d used to have in the Council Library, but the Council Library was long gone. Instead they huddled in a cave (which Xander had thought was cool the first two days, and his enthusiasm had both been encouraging and annoying, before he'd gotten fed up with the lack of power, heating, and fresh food as well), the few of them that were still around. Dawn, Buffy, Xander, Giles. Faith and Spike. The few lone survivors.

In the end, it had been the First Evil. The Enemy that hadn’t been defeated, only weakened for a time. The Enemy that had been let loose when Buffy was resurrected. If they’d just let her be, her death would have rebalanced the Slayer line, let it continue through Faith and whoever came after Faith (her first resurrection didn’t count – her soul hadn’t left her body yet when Xander breathed life back into her using nothing but natural biology, no magic required). But Buffy’s resurrection had destabilized the balance, and calling all the Slayers, while it had been their best shot at the time, and had allowed them to survive Sunnydale, it had also given power to the First, and it started to kill of Slayers, one by one. And then it had started whispering its insidious messages to world leaders, making them paranoid. That led to nowhere good. Then it had started going after civilians directly. And all the while, the Council had been powerless, unable to do anything to stop it. They’d already used their ace in the sleeve, and it had survived that.

So, they had a plan, a stupid one, which probably wouldn’t work, and even if it did, there was no guarantee it would actually solve anything. But it was the last plan, Plan Z, and they’d worked through plans A through Y. The First knew of their plan, of course. Willow could have stopped it from overhearing, but Willow was long dead. The First knew of their plan, and was trying to prevent it, which did more than any words could have done to convince Buffy that it might just work. That was why she allowed it to go ahead, even though everything in her was screaming at her to stop it.

The Key could open portals between dimensions, and there were some sources that claimed the Key could also open portals between different times in the same dimension. Their plan was to send Buffy back, to before her second death, to prevent it. All she had to do was to not die. It was a bit more complicated than that, of course, but that’s what it boiled down to. They would use the Key to send her back. Dawn was the Key. All it required was spilling Dawn’s blood.

Dawn picked up the knife and made a cut.

*

Buffy woke up. She had no idea when she was, but she knew where – in her old bedroom in Sunnydale, in the house that had been destroyed in the crater. That boded well for the success of at least step 1, the actual time travel. Steps 2 through infinity, well, who knew? She’d take things as they came. Buffy had never been the Master Plan kind of girl, she’d always been the bash the things that need bashing kind of girl. But this wasn’t something she could bash. The ultimate goal was to destroy Glory before she could try to open a portal using Dawn’s blood. Dawn’s blood should very much stay inside Dawn. Buffy was vaguely aware of the hypocrisy in that, given how she had ended up right here and now, but well, there were Circumstances with a capital C, and besides, Dawn had insisted. Protecting Dawn was Buffy’s priority. If Dawn even existed yet. Maybe she was still a glowing green cosmic power.

She made her way downstairs, to see if there were any clues to when she’d arrived. Her mom was already downstairs making breakfast, which was good. She wasn’t too late to fix anything, then. Buffy had to take a moment to breathe. This was _Mom_. How often had she wished Mom was still around, to tell about important events, ask for advice, or just get a cuddle? She had been an adult, with her own apartment, successful job, and various boyfriends (at least before the world went to shit and nobody had time for things like jobs or boyfriends any more), but she’d still just _wanted her Mom_.

She walked forward and put her arms round Mom from the back. Her Mom stilled where she was making sandwiches and put her arms up so she could partially return the hug, even though Buffy was behind her.

“Good morning, Buffy,” she said. Buffy had to swallow a lump in her throat when she heard her voice again. “What brought this on?”

“Can’t I want to hug my Mom?” she asked, going for casual but missing by about seven hundred miles.

“Of course you can,” her Mom replied. “You just haven’t done it in a while. Is everything okay?”

“Sure,” Buffy said, her voice thick.

“Okay, you’re starting to worry me,” Mom said, turning around and putting a hand up to Buffy’s forehead. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, mom, I’m fine. I just had a bad dream, is all,” Buffy said. “It felt really real,” she continued, to make herself feel better about the lie. She had thought she was done with lying to her mom, but clearly not.

No matter how much she wanted to, they couldn’t stay that way forever. Especially not since Dawn came bounding into the kitchen. Dawn looked to be about ten or eleven years old, younger than she’d ever actually been – even though Buffy remembered her at this age (young, bratty, poking her nose into Buffy’s business, determined to find out what her big sister was hiding). Using Dawn’s age, she could date herself to the first or second year since they’d come to Sunnydale – so probably before mom knew about slaying, definitely before Faith and the Mayor, before the Initiative, before Glory. Several years before Glory, in fact, which meant it should also be several years before Dawn was given bodily form. _So what was Dawn doing here?_ Was this Buffy’s Dawn? The one who’d lived through the war with her? But if so, shouldn’t she be joining them in the hug, or show some sort of emotional reaction to Mom, more than just the confused look she was giving Buffy? As much as it had hurt Buffy, Mom's death had done even more to destabilize Dawn, and Buffy thought she might not have been over it, even at the end.

“Hey, Dawnie,” Buffy said, playing it safe.

“Hi. What’s going on?” Dawn asked.

“Nothing. I’m just feeling cuddly today. Do you want a cuddle?”

Dawn looked incredibly suspicious as she gave Buffy a brief hug, probably waiting for the other shoe to drop. Buffy hadn’t been particularly kind to Dawn at this stage, she remembered. That was going to change. Ideally before Dawn felt she needed to cut herself open to prove she was human.

Buffy finished her breakfast quickly, before going upstairs to have a minor panic attack. If Dawn was here, and Dawn was the Key, did that mean that the monks had made Dawn early? Or had the spell they used to send Buffy back caused this? How was she supposed to stop Glory without throwing herself into the portal? Something in Sunnydale must be the key to defeating her. For some reason Buffy thought of the hospital. There was some sort of connection there… Something to do with Glory and… No. It was gone. Hopefully it would come to her in time.

*

Buffy needed to plan. She’d arrived earlier than expected, and that gave her more opportunities. There was so much to change. Not only could she save Mom, armed with knowledge about tumors and aneurysms, she could save Miss Calendar. She could save Willow and Faith from going Darkside. She could save Kendra. Kendra, who knew all the lore, all the techniques, who had read the Handbook from cover to cover (Buffy had tried, but she’d never managed to get through the whole thing, and then it had become obsolete when it was no longer One Girl in All the World, and they’d never really gotten round to writing a new one). Kendra, who’d been more prepared, who’d been, in theory, a better Slayer than Buffy. Kendra, who’d died.

If she saved Kendra, Faith wouldn’t be called – Faith would be happy with her Watcher, and not targeted by Caracas (that wasn’t his name, the really old vampire who’d killed Faith’s Watcher – it was something Greek beginning with K).

She could stop the Mayor, ideally without blowing up the school – needed that box thing, the one they traded for Willow. Box of gravlax (again, not gravlax – that was a kind of fish. But something like that. Buffy didn't have to make an effort to try to remember the correct word like when she was talking to others - she knew what she meant)? She should have been paying more attention. And the Initiative – she could shut them down. Destroy Adam. The main problem was Glory. That’s where it had started. That was the endgame. She needed to find Glory’s mortal form. And when she did… well. Slayers weren’t supposed to kill humans – it was outside their purview. Slaying a human was part of what sent Faith off the tracks (but it was also that Faith’s victim had been an innocent victim – not like… well, whoever it was who was Glory’s mortal form). But for Dawn, Buffy was willing to make that sacrifice.

There would be consequences of changing things, of course. Spike would have no reason work with them, since he currently had neither chip nor soul. Buffy was the only person who knew what he could be, who knew about the potential in him. But she was willing to sacrifice him if necessary. There were two people in the world that she wasn’t willing to sacrifice: Dawn, and Mom. Everyone else - well.

Should she tell Mom about Slayer stuff? Once Mom had gotten over it, it had been easier when she didn’t need to lie to Mom and climb in through her window at night. But it had taken Buffy running away to make her come to terms with reality. Dawn being there changed things – if she ran now, she’d leave Dawn on her own, which wasn’t an option. She’d keep it a secret for now.

*

The first thing she needed to do was to break up with Angel. It wasn’t just the whole happiness soul loss thing, but also the knowledge that Angel wasn’t for her. He’d been her first love, and was still incredibly important to her, but he had his own destiny to fulfil. The star-crossed love between them had almost consumed both of them – Buffy had the maturity to know that she could, despite the fact that she loved Angel, just choose to walk away.

He took it okay, which meant he’d go back and brood about it, wallowing in self-loathing. She felt bad about it, but ultimately, there was nothing she could do about it, not without investing too much time and energy into it, which might bring them back to their old patterns. He needed get over it on his own.

*

It was hard, trying to remember to be 17. She still cared about clothes, having friends, and all those other things 17-year-olds cared about, but all of that had seemed so much more important then. Buffy remembered her fight with Cordelia over homecoming queen, being determined to have something to show that meant her whole life hadn’t just been about Slaying. This time around, she would let Cordelia have it. She knew she’d left a mark on the school, on Sunnydale, on the world. She knew who she was, and she didn’t need a high school popularity contest to boost her ego. Her value didn't lie in being popular. Besides, she’d already earned her class protector trophy.

Then there was homework – she’d forgotten a lot of the details, but her study skills and reasoning skills had improved, and remembering things turned out to be a lot easier than memorizing them. She knew Mom was surprised and happy to see her grades go up. Being able to show up Snyder was also nice, the smugness when he had to acknowledge her progress made Buffy feel all warm and fluffy inside.

Things with Giles were a bit weird – there seemed to be some kind of tension between him and Miss Calendar. It was more on Miss Calendar’s part than his, which meant nobody knew about her secret identity yet (besides, hadn’t that come out after Angel had his moment of pure happiness? In which case, she’d have bigger problems than Giles feeling a bit embarrassed). But the tension between them, and Giles’ embarrassment, meant that the Eyghon stuff had probably happened – which was good, Buffy didn’t have to pretend she didn’t know about all that. He’d had a tiny bit of the stuffiness knocked out of him. Not too much, though. Buffy kind of liked the stuffiness. It felt comfortable and familiar.

*

Career week was a thing that was happening. God, there was so much stuff in high school that wasn’t just lessons and relationship drama. All that figuring out who you were and what kind of wage slavery you’d perform in life. Buffy knew she’d make a decent counselor – probably because own teen years had been so tumultuous. The multiple choice test they’d had to fill out wouldn’t tell her that, but then the test was useless, anyway. She’d enjoyed being a mentor for future Slayers, for the short while that had lasted. But her task in the past was partly to make sure there would be no mass Slayer calling, which meant that career path was out. Maybe she could make the Watcher’s Council pay her for Slaying (it really was a travesty they didn’t), and while she as at it, maybe she could reform how they treated potentials? Or, if she prevented the Mayor’s Ascension before the day, there’d be no need blow up the high school, which meant there would still be a school on the Hellmouth – maybe she could get a counseling degree and stay (as long as Snyder wasn't still the principal). Buffy had plenty of options. Last time, she’d only seen her destiny as the Slayer – and she didn’t want to admit it, but she hadn’t seen herself live long either. Now, she knew she had plans. But not law enforcement. She did enough of that in her night job.

*

Spike and Drusilla were around, causing problems. The first go round, Giles had been very worried, but she’d blown it off, trusting him to tell her when and where she needed to Slay something. She’d left the research to Willow and Giles, until it could no longer be ignored. Why hadn’t she considered that one day she might need to travel the odd decade back in time and would need this kind of knowledge then? There was something about that cross thing, related to the book that had gone missing. It was in a mausoleum – the vamp had stolen it, and Giles had gotten upset with her for not investigating. Had that happened yet? That had been at the same time as the careers fair, right? She’d missed part of the fair for some reason or another (she was always missing school for Slayer business, it was hard to remember why she was gone at this particular occasion). But Sunnydale was littered with mausoleums. Which one had it been? It was so long ago. What was she going to do – go through every mausoleum? They’d taken Angel to that church for the ritual to restore Drusilla. She could just not bother with the research, but that would look weird, even for her. She wasn’t ready to blow her cover just yet.

So she pestered Giles about the missing book. Why did Spike and Drusilla want it? Did he remember which book they’d taken, by who was it written, did it contain any clues to their plans? Giles commented that she wasn’t usually this engaged. But he did make an extra effort with the book, and managed to figure out what Spike was up to earlier than he had the previous time around. She hadn’t arrived in time to save the Duloc cross, but at least they hadn’t wasted time arguing about whether it was important. She could tell he was impressed by her maturity. Should she tell Giles about her secret? No – this Giles wasn’t her Giles. This Giles hadn’t chosen her over Council, hadn’t lived through hell with her, hadn’t seen the collapse of everything held dear. This Giles was still caught up in rules and procedures (he was willing to bend them, not break them, not just yet). This Giles would want to preserve the timeline, wouldn’t want to mess with causality. He wouldn’t understand that there was nothing worth preserving in the old timeline. Actually, that was a bit harsh – there wasn’t _nothing_ worth preserving, but there was nothing that couldn’t be recreated in the new timeline. And this Giles would want to know how she’d done it. Buffy really didn’t want to go into details of how the time travel had been achieved in first place, not when it involved opening a whole can of worms that was far better shut: revealing who and what Dawn was, what her blood could do, and why the Key had been given human form and sent to Buffy. Giles had once contemplated sacrificing Dawn to save the world – Buffy had forgiven him, but she hadn’t forgotten that.

*

And then there was the Order of Taraka. The thing about going back to the past, Buffy had come to realize, was remembering events, but forgetting the order they came in, or what linked them. Her memories were full of enemies without context. For instance, she definitely remembered being attacked by an order of unstoppable assassins that she’d stopped, and remembered last time, she’d gone to ground and stayed the night at Angel’s. Giles and Angel still (again) advocated running for the hills, but this time, it was more serious. This time, Mom was in LA, just like last time, and Buffy had to watch Dawn.

“I’m not running for any hills,” Buffy said. “These are my hills, and I’m going to stay here.”

They all traded nervous glances.

“Usually when you say this is the hill I’m willing to die on, it isn’t so literal,” Willow said.

“I’m not going to die.” Buffy knew she could handle them. She’d gone toe to toe with _gods_. She’d faced down the _First Evil_. “I’m going to take out everyone who comes for me.”

And then there was Kendra in Giles’ library, claiming her Watcher had sent her because there was something dark rising in Sunnydale. This time, Buffy didn’t mistake her for one of the Order, and Kendra didn’t mistake her for a vampire. Buffy’s feelings about Kendra were complicated: Kendra had been the better slayer, more knowledgeable, had better technique, did things as she was supposed to, but none of that had mattered in the end. Her technique and knowledge, none of them had saved her. Kendra had been one of the first persons close to Buffy that she had failed to save (there had been Ford, and Miss Calendar before which was hopefully not happening again this time round, but not many more – only innocent bystanders). She still felt guilty about Kendra’s death. This time she’d do better. And this time they’d avoid misunderstandings – she wasn’t sleeping in a vampires’ lair, for one.

She’d forgotten, in that haze of memories that preserves people’s faces but only just enough that you can recognized them later, twisting and distorting them, just how beautiful Kendra was. Her skin was smooth and flawless, her eyes her eyes were big and dark, and her lips were full, with perfectly applied lipstick that enhanced the natural beauty of her lips. Buffy knew she herself was pretty, but she was nothing compared to Kendra.

“But Buffy is still the Slayer,” Giles reasoned aloud after hanging up with Kendra’s Watcher, who had confirmed her story. “She still has the power, and two Slayers at the same time are unheard of. I don’t understand this, and I must confess I am more than slightly nonplussed.”

Buffy, of course, had been through this before, and decided to cut to the chase.

“Well, I’ll plus you. I died, Kendra was called.”

“You died?” Kendra asked, like she had before, sounding unnecessarily judgmental.

“Only a little,” Buffy defended herself. “There was a prophecy that the Master would kill me, which he did. Then I killed him, and unlike me, he’s still dead, so I think we can agree I did the better job out of the two of us, right?”

She remembered how Kendra hadn’t taken her seriously as a Slayer at first, and wanted to skip the posturing between them, if possible. Yet another thing that had seemed so important to her teenage self, but didn’t seem to matter to her now.

“You took down the Master?” Kendra said, sounding impressed despite herself. “I have read about him. His bloodline is very powerful and dangerous.”

“Oh, you know, it was nothing,” Buffy said with faked nonchalance. “Just another day in the life of a Slayer.”

Willow arrived, and Kendra almost attacked her.

“You’re not great at the whole incognito thing,” Buffy commented, once they had explained the situation. “Normal people don’t demand people identify themselves as soon as they come into a library. That’s not flying under the radar.”

“I was taught the Slayer always works alone. Other people are a distraction.”

“Sometimes, having more people in your corner can help,” Buffy said. She meant it as a peace offering. Kendra gave her a small smile, so she guessed it must have hit its mark.

“Well, we need to figure out what this something dark that Kendra’s warning us about it.”

“My best guess,” Buffy said, her best guess being informed by experience, “is the ritual to give Drusilla back her power. Has Angel been warned?”

“Who’s Angel? Another of your friends?”

“Angel’s a vampire – but one of the good guys. He was cursed by gypsies to have a soul, and now spends his time doing penance for all the terrible things he did before he got his soul back.”

Kendra raised a skeptical eyebrow, but said nothing. She’d come round, eventually. Or not. Buffy didn't particularly care about Kendra's feelings about Angel, as long as they didn't lead to Slayage.

Angel had been warned, but clearly he hadn’t been careful enough – he missed a scheduled check in, so Kendra and Buffy set off to rescue him and stop Spike – this time with fewer arguments about priority. After all, they amounted to the same thing, stopping Spike and saving Angel.

Maybe there were some things that couldn’t be changed. Some part of destiny that must run its course. Buffy didn’t really believe that kind of nonsense, but she had to wonder, when they stood outside the collapsed church, dragging Angel between Buffy and Kendra. Were some things fated to happen? Were there those Doctor-Who kind of fixed events Xander had gone on about, events that _had_ to happen? Or maybe she just hadn’t changed enough for ripple effects to be felt yet. After all, there was no reason for Spike to have changed his plans, not yet. That would come.

“Did we kill them?” Kendra wondered.

“Probably not,” Buffy said. “But we stopped them, and that’s good enough for now. Let’s celebrate.”

She took Kendra to the Bronze. There hadn’t been time last time, and she wanted Kendra to experience it at least once.

“This place is full of vamps,” Kendra shouted over the music.

“Want to do something about it?” Buffy asked with a grin.

They found one, fairly newly risen by Buffy’s estimation (everyone looked out-dated to Buffy, but she wasn’t so far gone she couldn’t tell early 90s fashion from late 90s). They danced together in way that, if he was human, would have set his blood pumping. Then they pulled him outside. A minute later, they were standing in the alley, covered in dust, something electric between them.

“That was – that was fun!” Kendra breathed, exhilarated. She sounded like she hadn’t found Slaying fun before. It wasn’t a hard workout at all, but they were both breathing heavily. Buffy found herself entranced by Kendra’s mouth. She found herself thinking of Faith’s Hungry and Horny. She reached out a hand, and pulled Kendra close. Their lips met, their hands were going everywhere – in hair, on hips, of the back, around the throat. Buffy pinned Kendra against the wall, then Kendra flipped them so Buffy was the one being pinned. They backed into a garbage can and sent it clattering, but neither of them cared.

Eventually they broke apart, panting.

“Wanna do that again?” Buffy asked. Evidently, Kendra did. Saving Kendra just jumped about five steps on Buffy’s priority list.

Kendra had done what she came to Sunnydale to do, and was making noises about going home. Buffy should tell her to go and not come back, to avoid Drusilla, so she didn’t get herself killed. But she was selfish. She asked Kendra to stay.

*

Of course, having two Slayers on the Hellmouth was an adjustment for everyone, not just Buffy, Kendra and Giles. Buffy waited three days before she gently confronted Willow about her avoidant behavior.

“It’s not that I’m not happy,” Willow said. “Because I _am_. Really happy. It’s good that you’ve got back-up now. And it’s great that you can share the burden of Slaying with Kendra, and that you two get on so well. I’m serious, I really do think it’s great. It’s just…”

She trailed off.

“It’s just you’re worried about where that leaves you,” Buffy finished.

Willow looked relieved.

“I don’t mean to be jealous!” she reassured Buffy. “I think Kendra’s… great. Maybe a bit abrupt and all, and I don’t think she likes me very much, it’s just. Well, you two are on the same level, aren’t you? She’s not useless like us. And I just worry that maybe you won’t need us, now that you’ve got her.”

“I will _always_ need you,” Buffy said. “Kendra won’t replace you. You are, and will always be, my best friend. What I feel for Kendra is something else entirely.”

Willow’s mouth opened and hung there for a few seconds.

“Really?"

“Really."

“Oh my gosh,” Willow said. And then: “Homework! I just remembered homework!”

She darted off. If Buffy hadn’t known what she did about Willow, she might have been hurt. As it was, she was pretty amused.

Angel had a different reaction to Buffy's news about her dating situation.

“Is that why you broke up with me? You could have told me, I would have understood. My morals have kept up with the times. I might be from the 1700s, but I don’t have those values.”

It wasn’t why she’d broken up with him, but it seemed to comfort him, so she let him believe it.

She wasn’t looking forward to telling mom. Mom was a Californian hippie liberal artist, so everything spoke for her being okay with a daughter who was in a relationship with another girl, but the last time Buffy had come out (as a Slayer, not as bi) had gone terribly. She wasn’t looking forward to waiting tables in a diner in LA (and she was aware how lucky she had been to get to wait tables in LA) – when she went to LA she wanted to go shopping, show Kendra the sights, go through a portal to hell dimension and rescue the human slaves, and take Kendra to hot dogs at Pinks.

They had the conversation on the sofa. It brought back memories of sitting there, gossiping, talking about Mom’s work and Buffy’s adventures, and discussing boys. Which, well.

“Mom, I have something to tell you, and I think it’s going to be fine. I mean, I hope it is. I really hope you don’t freak out on me, because I swear it’s nothing bad. Just, you know. Unexpected. But I’m really happy, and I hope you’ll be happy to,” Buffy began. Maybe she was a tiny bit nervous.

“Honey, you’re babbling,” Mom said, which, thanks, Mom, she hadn’t worked that out for herself. “Whatever it is, I promise it’ll be okay and we’ll work it out, okay?”

“I’m seeing someone,” Buffy said.

“It’s not that Angel, is it?” Mom asked. “Because I know he seems nice and polite, but I really think he’s too old for you. He must be _well_ into his twenties.”

“It’s not Angel, Mom, don’t worry,” Buffy said. “Her name’s Kendra, and she’s a transfer student at Sunnydale. From Jamaica.”

Mom blinked a few times.

“Oh! Well, that’s great!” she said, with only a smidgen of fake enthusiasm. She collected herself. “I’m really glad you told me, Buffy. You must have her to dinner sometime.”

Buffy let out a quick breath, relieved it had gone so well.

“And, speaking of,” Mom continued. “I’ve also begun seeing someone new that I’d like you to meet.”

Well, shit. Ted the evil robot.

*

“What was it like, knowing that you were supposed to be the Slayer?” Buffy asked, sitting under a tree in their favorite graveyard, although it was broad daylight, Kendra between her legs, leaning against her chest, Buffy’s hands over Kendra’s.

“I didn’t know I’d be called. I hoped, I prayed. I trained really hard, so I could be good enough. So proud when I had my first Slayer dream, and I knew that I’d been called. I had everything I ever wanted. What was it like for you?”

“So confusing,” Buffy said with a small laugh. “I had no idea what was going on. Suddenly I started ripping doorknobs off, and this man shows up and tells me I have a destiny to fulfill, and my life was changed. I guess that’s why I fought so hard to keep hold of my normal life. Just trying to salvage something from the wreckage.”

“Why would you want to go back? I always thought a normal life would be meaningless. I know I make a difference, every day. My life has a purpose. I never doubted that.”

She turned her head to look at Buffy with her face open and her eyes honest.

“I’m not sure if you were the lucky one, or if I am,” Buffy said. “You don’t know what you’re missing, and I know what I can never have back.”

“Would you want it back? If you could have it?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure.”

A comfortable quiet settled between them. Moments like this, when it was just the two of them, assuaged Buffy’s guilt, that maybe she was just with Kendra to save her life. Of course, it brought up the new guilt that maybe she was trying so hard to save Kendra because she loved her. Her love for Kendra and her obligation to protect everyone around her had gotten all tangled up in a mess, and it was impossible to tell where one ended and the other began. She wondered if Kendra also saw her as someone to save.

There was also the guilt that she was lying to Kendra. She knew things she shouldn’t, she was lying, constantly, to everyone, even if at most times it was only by omission. What right did she have to conceal the future from them? On the other hand, what right did she have to tell them about events that hadn’t even transpired? Which was the worst thing to do to them? She didn’t care about most people, she was well used to keeping secrets and lying to the public, but to the Scoobies, to Dawn and Mom, to Giles, to Kendra, well. Shouldn’t she at least be honest with the people she loved? But things, once said, couldn’t be unsaid. Secrets couldn’t be taken back, but they could be shared later. The hurt caused by keeping them might be beyond healing, but how was she to know where the limits were? Where did the unforgivable begin?

“Also, I think Mom’s new boyfriend is an android who kills people.”

“Then we’d better kill it, before it kills her,” Kendra said, standing up and pulling Buffy with her.

That was what was so refreshing about Kendra – she didn’t ask if Buffy was sure, as Giles would have done, or be overly sympathetic and ask if she was okay, as Willow would have done, or come with lots of bad jokes about sex-bots, as Xander would have done. She just accepted the situation as Buffy described it, and then went straight for the solution.

*

There were still some loose strings to be tied up to improve the future (there would always be loose strings to be tied up). Two of them needed direct intervention, rather than subtle manipulation. For the first, Buffy approached Miss Calendar in her classroom.

"Can I come in?"

“My door is always open to you,” Miss Calendar said. “Was it school work or… something else?”

“Something else. You do magic, right? Can you train Willow? I think she’s interested, and it would give her something to do that’s not in the fray. You know, safe and on the side-lines. Just make sure you teach her the dangers of it and how to use it safely, without, like, getting addicted or going Darkside.”

Miss Calendar’s eyebrows were almost up by her hairline, but she agreed eventually, somewhat suspiciously. This time, Willow’s first introduction to magic wasn’t going to be performing an incredibly old, incredibly powerful, incredibly dark curse. This time, she was going to _start_ with levitating pencils, and not move beyond that before she was ready, emotionally and ethically.

The second act of direct intervention went smoother. Buffy approached Oz, and told him:

“You need to be careful when you roughhouse with your cousin. He’s a werewolf.”

Oz just tilted his head to the side.

“Huh. I always thought there was something canine about him.”

*

With school, dating, patrol, and preventing the future from become a post-apocalyptic dystopia, Buffy had quite enough on her plate without coming home to find Dawn going through her closet.

“What are you doing?” Buffy asked calmly. Or tried to ask calmly, at least. It didn’t really come out very calmly.

“Looking for stuff! I wanted to try on that nice top of yours,” Dawn lied, and not very well. It would be more believable in a few years when Buffy's shirts didn’t look like tents on Dawn.

“You need to work on your lies,” Buffy told her, and continued, drawing the obvious conclusion as she reasoned it out aloud. “But here’s the thing – you used stealing my clothes as an excuse, which means you think what you were actually doing is worse than stealing my clothes. You were snooping.”

“I wasn’t!”

Buffy tilted her head.

“OK, OK, I was,” Dawn admitted. “But only because you never tell me anything!”

Buffy remembered this conversation from last time round – several times, in fact. She’d all but tossed Dawn from her room, just barely holding back from using Slayer strength.

“Dawn, come here and close the door,” she said instead, and patted the bed. “I’m going to tell you – not because I think you’ve shown how responsible you are or you can handle this, because going through my stuff is definitely not being responsible, but I’m going to tell you anyway because I want your help.”

“Really?”

“Really. Now, what I’m going to tell you might sound unrealistic, and I can’t prove it, not right now, but here’s the truth, and I swear on it.”

She took a deep breath, and told Dawn.

“Look, vampires and all kinds of bogies exist, and I’ve been Chosen by some mystical power to fight them. It makes me stronger and quicker than most other people. I can’t explain why, or even how, but there it is. That’s why I’m always so careful you have to be in by night-time, because that’s when the vampires can go out. But I will look after you, Dawn. I have the power to keep you safe.”

Dawn looked like she had bitten on a lemon.

“Don’t tell me, if you don’t want to. But don’t expect me to believe in your fairy tales. I’m not a _kid_ ,” she said. Buffy smiled, because when people said that, it usually meant they were. Dawn clearly took her smile the wrong way and stood up to leave, but Buffy grabbed a hold of her wrist.

“Let me show you what you would have found if you’d kept snooping,” she said, and pulled out her weapons chest. Dawn looked at the contents with wide eyes.

“You’re the Chosen One?” she asked finally, in a small voice. “Super special with a responsibility to save the world?”

“I am. But you’re super special too.” It was almost cheating, using people’s issues that had boiled over in the future to predict what they might be feeling at any moment.

“How?” Dawn asked skeptically. “I’m just your annoying kid sister who snoops into your stuff. I’m not even popular at school.”

Buffy took both of Dawn’s hands in hers and looked her straight in the eyes. She needed Dawn to hear this and take her seriously.

“You are special in ways I can’t tell you,” she said, “but I need you to know this: I would die for you. You are funny, and clever, and kind and you are going to be fantastic in whatever you choose to be. Don’t envy me because I’m the Chosen One – be something you choose for yourself. Also, I need you to help me cover up with Mom. And maybe you can help Giles sometimes with books, because I know you like reading.”

She had an ulterior motive with this last request: to get Dawn and Giles together more, so by the time she might have to reveal Dawn’s origins to him, he’d already view her as much as a daughter as he did Buffy. Buffy didn’t delude herself: Giles would still sacrifice Dawn to save the world if he needed to, just as he’d been able to sacrifice Buffy when necessary (letting her go face the Master, putting her through the Cruciamentum – even if he had chickened out at the end), but if he did, Buffy wanted it to _hurt_.

The request had Dawn brightening.

“I can be your mentor!” she said. “I’ll read all the books, and tell you exactly what you need to do! And you'll have to do what I say, because I'll know lots of stuff you don't!”

Buffy laughed.

“Let’s not go that far. You’re still my little sister, squirt.”

*

“Willow has a great deal of potential,” Miss Calendar said, when it was just her and Buffy in her classroom again. “There is the seed of very strong witch in her.”

“Which is why it’s important that she’s trained right,” Buffy replied. “Imagine all that power in the wrong hands, or used for the wrong ends.”

Miss Calendar looked at her searchingly for a few moments.

“You know, Buffy,” she said eventually, “I think you know more than you pretend to, and that makes me wonder why you’re hiding.”

“Are we really going to get into that, Janna of the Kalderash Clan?” Buffy replied, trying to keep her tone nonthreatening. This was of course why she’d let Miss Calendar see more than the rest – Miss Calendar was well used to keeping secrets.

Miss Calendar paled.

“I didn’t know you knew,” she said.

“Well, as you said, I know lots of things,” Buffy replied, her tone perky. “Like that curse. Let’s talk about the curse. Happiness clause? What’s up with that? I mean, I get it, you want a safeguard, you want to punish Angel, so you can’t let him be happy. Makes sense. I mean, it’s kind of a jerk move, but he killed one of your clan, you wanted revenge, yadda yadda yadda. It’s a curse, it’s meant to be jerky. What I can’t figure out is why you didn’t tell him about it? The happiness clause, I mean. Trust me, if you tell him, Angel will make sure he’s unhappy – he’ll do your punishing for you!”

“Happiness clause?” Miss Calendar asked weakly.

“You know, if he ever experiences a moment of true happiness, it’s sayonara soul?” Buffy took another look at Miss Calendar, whose mouth was partly open. “You _did_ know about that, right?”

Miss Calendar mutely shook her head.

“Oh,” Buffy said. She’d always assumed Miss Calendar knew.

“I was just told to watch him, make sure he suffered. I didn’t know there was a risk he could revert back to Angelus…”

That changed things, but not that much.

“I was just thinking, given the whole thing where the soul's not exactly sitting in solid concrete, maybe you want to get onto finding whatever spell your ancestors used again – you never know when it might be needed.”

“I was already researching the curse, out of curiosity. Maybe I can change it to make it permanent.”

“You are the absolute best,” Buffy said. “Also, about that other thing. Let’s keep it to ourselves, right? Nuclear deterrent, mutually assured destruction, and all that.”

That was that small safeguard put in place. The fact that Angel hadn’t lost his soul yet didn’t mean they were free and clear. But at least they might be in a better position if it ever did happen.

*

When Mom complained about a headache, Buffy pounced. She’d been given the excuse she’d been waiting for. The headache passed with some Advil, so Mom didn’t see the need to have it seen to, and she hadn’t had one again, despite how much Buffy and Dawn kept bickering (but far less than they had before, so that was something). But Buffy was stubborn, and she kept nagging.

“Why are you so worried?” Kendra asked. “Have you been having dreams?”

“Yes,” Buffy said – what was one more lie on top of every other lie in her life? “But only vague ones, omens of foreboding, that kind of stuff. Why can’t I ever have dreams about puppies or kittens? Why are they always, like, omens of death? Plus I’ve got a bad feeling.”

“Is it a Slayer feeling?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. Why would I be having a Slayer feeling about Mom?”

“Maybe she’s being possessed?” Kendra suggested. “Is there some way to find out?”

This was when having a witch around would have been handy. Not that Buffy thought for a second that Mom was possessed, and not that she wasn’t thankful Willow and Miss Calendar were going slow and doing things properly, but there was definitely something to be said for having some magical backup.

“I don’t know,” she said reluctantly. “I guess maybe if the doctors can’t find anything, we’ll see if Giles or Miss Calendar or someone can do a spell?”

“Is she going to the doctor?” Kendra asked.

“I’m working on it.”

Mom eventually caved, mostly just to get Buffy to stop badgering her, and made an appointment at the hospital. Buffy was surprised to see a familiar face there: Ben, the intern who’d been looking after Mom last time. He was still a medical student, now, trailing after Mom’s actual doctors.

Buffy had been so focused on putting out the immediate fires of Angel’s loss of his soul (hopefully averted), the Judge (she still needed to sort that one out), Kendra’s death (that was Not Happening - she knew that much, even if she didn't quite know what she had to do to prevent it), that she’d forgotten the actual goal of her little trip to the past – to stop Glory and save Dawn, thus preventing her own eventual death and resurrection. She needed to start focusing on that more seriously.

But why was she thinking about that now? Mom’s death had been only a few months before everything with Glory came to a head, but they’d only been concurrent events, not actually related. At least, Buffy didn’t think they were related. There hadn’t been anything obviously supernatural about Mom’s death, and Buffy had checked pretty thoroughly - after all, that was how she’d found out about Dawn not being her sister from the start (Buffy wasn’t going to use the words actual sister, because as far as she was concerned, Dawn _was_ her actual sister). But maybe there had been something to connect them, or maybe there was something in the hospital that reminded her about Glory. How was she to find out?

She did what she’d always done when there was something she didn’t know: she went to Giles.

“You think there is something big coming, and it has something to do with the hospital?” he asked. “Do you have any more information to go on?”

“I think maybe one of Mom’s doctors is involved somehow. But I can’t remember which one.”

“That’s troubling,” Giles said, and took down a book. He looked at it twice, looking confused, then placed it back on the shelf. “How did it go with your mother at the hospital?” he asked instead. “That was yesterday, wasn’t it?”

“She just told you,” Kendra said, with a touch of exasperation. “There was something at the hospital that’s a threat, related to one of her mother’s doctors.”

“Oh dear,” Giles said, and pulled down the exact same book, only to put it back on the shelf again. “By the way, wasn’t it yesterday you mother went to the hospital? Is she all right?”

“There is something wrong with you,” Kendra told Giles. Buffy was proud. Kendra of the past would never have been so disrespectful to a Watcher. Not that she meant it disrespectfully, the way she said it indicated clear concern rather than any scorn, but, well. Baby steps.

“Some kind of memory spell,” Buffy said, before Giles could take offense. “You and I seem to remember more than Giles, possibly because the Slayer is part demon. The one who’d be really helpful is – ”

She cut herself off. The one who’d be really helpful was Spike, but Spike wasn’t on their side. Spike had neither chip nor soul, and therefore no reason to help them.

Giles dropped the book.

“The Slayer is part demon?”

“How do you think a human girl gets powers beyond what humans should have? We’re not exactly witches,” Buffy said.

“Are you sure? Nothing I’ve read indicated that that might be the case,” he spluttered.

“Well, that just goes to show that you don’t actually know everything,” Buffy said, and well, that was too good a line _not_ to walk out of the library on, so she did. Besides, Giles wasn’t able to help her, anyway.

*

Kendra and Buffy went over a list of Mom’s doctors that Willow had gotten for them through means best left unstated. There wasn’t a single name that stood out to her. There was that handsome medical student/intern Ben – but Buffy was a taken woman, and very happily so. She wished again for Spike, who hadn’t had the memory reset they’d all had. 

Wait. If Spike didn’t have the memory reset, then maybe Angel wouldn’t either. It sucked that Buffy didn’t have any solid information to give him, but at least he’d remember what she said if she told him there was something she was worried about.

*

The doctors told Mom there was no reason to worry, of course, since she was only there for the one headache.

“I want it noted in the journal that you declined to do MRI and CT scans,” Buffy said. The doctors glanced at each other. They obviously didn’t believe there was something, but now they were asking themselves if they really want to take that risk, to have it noted that the patient asked for tests and they didn’t perform them. Litigation was no laughing matter.

“You do realize that the insurance doesn’t cover unnecessary tests like that,” they asked.

“It’s really not necessary,” Mom said, glaring at Buffy.

“If the tests do show something, will the insurance cover it then?” Buffy asked.

“Yes.”

“Then I want the tests done.”

“I really don’t know when you got so stubborn,” Mom sighed. Buffy was pretty sure that was rhetorical, so she didn’t say anything. Besides, she’d always been stubborn.

A few weeks later, they were back in the doctor’s office again, being told the news that Mom had a brain tumor. The headache was actually just headache, not a symptom of the tumor, but thanks to Buffy’s over-zealousness, they were able to diagnose it well before tumors were usually discovered, which significantly increased their chances of successful treatment.

“You, young lady, may have saved your mom’s life,” the doctor told Buffy.

*

Buffy cozied up with Dawn on the couch. Dawn was still small enough that Buffy had to bend to hug her, even when they were sitting. She wouldn’t be short for much longer, Buffy knew.

“How are you feeling, squirt?” she asked.

Dawn just shrugged.

“I know it’s scary,” Buffy said. “I’m scared too. But they caught it early, so Mom will most likely survive, and I want you to know that even if she doesn’t, you won’t be left alone. Dad’s a waste of space, I know, but you have me, and you have so many other people in your corner – Kendra, Giles, Willow, Xander, Oz, maybe even Miss Calendar.”

“I won’t be able to stay with you, though,” Dawn said. “You’re not old enough.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Buffy said. “I’m almost old enough, and I _will_ protect you.”

*

On Buffy’s birthday, she was sent an arm. So Drusilla was assembling the Judge again, was she? That wasn’t entirely unexpected, but also, an inconvenience. Angel and Giles took the news with their respective levels of understated drama (which were more dramatic in Angel’s case and more understated in Giles’), and even Kendra seemed troubled.

“I have read about him,” she said. Honestly, Buffy wondered what she even needed a Watcher for – she seemed to have read about everything. It was endearing, but also annoying being shown up. At least this time round she knew some stuff – even if a lot of it was through cheating. “They said no weapon forged could stop him.”

And now they were going to go off on a tangent of what it took to stop him and cut him up last time they had managed to stop him, which was an unnecessary detour. Buffy decided to take a shortcut.

“So we get a weapon that hasn’t been forged,” Buffy said. “With the newfangled manufacturing technology we’ve got these days, I feel like that shouldn’t be too hard. I mean, who even forges weapons these days? Are modern-day swords and axes even forged, or are they mass produced on a factory line? How about a rocket launcher? Or grenade? Are grenades forged? What exactly counts as forged?”

They all turned to stare at her.

“Or how about we stop it before Drusilla manages to assemble him? I mean, sending the arm to me, that seems like a pretty bad tactical misstep. Do we have anything to grind it into dust with? I mean, there must be, like, industrial mills around here somewhere, right?”

From there, it was remarkably easy to find a mill that was powerful enough and sneak in. They chucked the whole thing in, box and all, and collected the dust on the other side to dump it in the sea and let the sea do the spreading for them.

“I feel like we’ve done good,” Buffy said. “I wish they could all be as easy as that.”

“Let’s hope he can’t be revived without all his parts,” Kendra said.

“You always have to be such a pessimist,” Buffy replied, threading her fingers through Kendra’s.

“That’s because you’re always such an optimist,” Kendra said, and Buffy had to bite down a laugh. It was perhaps the first time she’d ever been described as an optimist. She kind of liked it.

*

“You once said I was the better Slayer,” Kendra said, one the way back home from patrol. “But I don’t see how. You always seem prepared for whatever’s coming next, and you always seem to know what to do. Isn’t that the fundamental part of being a Slayer, that you can deal with anything? Isn’t that what you’ve been trying to show me? And by that count, you are much better than me.”

“They Slayer dreams help,” she said trying to find something to blame that wasn’t an innate quality of Buffy’s, or the dirty truth.

“I envy you – my dreams are very rare, and they’re unhelpful when they do come. Maybe I’ll have the same kind of dreams as you when I’ve been a Slayer for as long as you have.”

“Maybe,” Buffy said helplessly. “But you have lots of other things. Your technique is still amazing, and you know much more lore than me.”

Buffy felt like a fraud. Of course she always knew what was coming next – she’d done everything before. It was like taking a test the second time round – you knew what questions were going to come up, so you prepared for those specific questions, and then it looked like you were prepared for anything, just because you’d been prepared for the exact circumstances you found yourself in. And Kendra sounded like she really admired her, Kendra with her high standards. She shouldn’t be measuring herself against Buffy, because Buffy cheated. Not that she’d tell Kendra that. She wanted to keep Kendra’s good opinion. She admired Kendra, so of course she wanted Kendra to admire her too.

*

There were murderous androids, fish people, and ill-considered Valentine’s wishes. Neither Kendra not Buffy gave them much consideration. It was nice, having someone to watch your back. And to trade kisses with in dark alleys covered in dust (both the alleys and themselves). And to take dancing in the Bronze. And to laze about in graveyards with. And to kick ass in graveyards with. And to sneak out of school to see (Kendra didn’t to go to school, she spent her days studying and training to be a better Slayer – and sneaking out of studying and training to see Buffy).

There were also other traditions of coupledom they had to uphold. Such as meeting the family. Since Kendra’s Watcher was still in Jamaica, it fell to Buffy to supply the family.

Mom didn’t know about the Slaying business, so most of anything Kendra could talk about was off-limits. Although Buffy had been broadening her horizons, and she managed to hold a decent conversation on the topic of fashion for a while – and then they discovered that they both knew a fair bit about art history, so they talked about that while Buffy and Dawn tried to steal food of each other’s plates. Buffy was clearly the winner, of course, but she also made sure to give Dawn a new serving of most of what she’d taken.

Kendra also wasn’t really used to children, so she was awkward around Dawn. Dawn, of course, thought Kendra was the coolest person ever, and a bona fide superhero to boot. Buffy supposed superheroes lost their charm when they were your own sister. She tried not to feel jealous that Dawn clearly hero-worshiped Kendra. Mom, because she was the best Mom ever, took Kendra under her wing, and really made an effort to make her feel welcome, without going overboard and becoming performative. She was just warm and welcoming, and eager to have someone actually show an interest in what she was displaying at the gallery.

At one point, during the dinner, when Mom was in the kitchen clearing the dishes, Dawn leaned over towards Kendra.

“You’re a Slayer, like Buffy, right.” The words might have been a question, but the tone was not. “You have to look after my sister. Keep her safe. Kill the vamps for her.”

“I will,” Kendra said, a solemn promise, which was nice, but not what Buffy wanted.

“We'll kill them together. Look after each other.” After all, if Kendra was a superhero, then so was Buffy.

After dinner, Buffy sneaked out to patrol with Kendra.

“Your sister knows, but not your mother? Doesn’t that seem strange?” Kendra asked as they tag-teamed a newly risen vamp.

“Dawn has always been more inclined to believe in things she can’t see than Mom. She went snooping around my room, and I had to tell her,” Buffy explained.

“I still don’t understand how you can tell everyone else, but not your mother. How you can lie to your own mother!?”

Kendra was more used to trusting in authority, Buffy thought. She didn’t have Buffy’s independence, developed over years when Buffy _was_ the go-to authority related to Slaying matters. Even before Buffy’s trip back, she’d still been independent-minded, while Kendra had been inclined to listen to her Watcher more. But Kendra’s words still sat uneasily with her. She _was_ lying to her mother, and it wasn’t right.

“Will you be there when I tell her?” she asked.

“Of course I will,” Kendra said, easily. “If you want me to.”

As if it was obvious that she would, if Buffy asked.

“Also, can we avoid mentioning the dying thing?” Buffy asked, hopefully. After all, there was a difference between not lying to Mom, and sharing details she didn’t _really_ need to know.

*

Buffy had had a lot of time, during that summer in LA, to think about what she might have done better, how to lay the whole thing out to Mom to make her understand, or at least make her not tell Buffy not to bother coming back. Not having it in the middle of an emergency would definitely help. She probably shouldn’t have put it off as long as she had, to be honest.

_If you walk out of that door, don't even think about coming back._

“Mom, I have something to tell you. Something I should have told you before,” she said. Mom looked at hers and Kendra’s interlinked hands.

“Honey, you already came out once, it’s okay.”

“No, that’s not it,” Buffy said. “This may be hard to believe, but I’m something called a Vampire Slayer. Kendra’s one too. We’re basically Chosen by fate and granted powers to help defeat vampires, demons and other assorted bad guys. So, there you have it.”

Mom looked uncomprehending at them.

“Is this some kind of joke?” she asked.

“I’m not joking. I can prove it, or at least the part where I’m stronger and faster than most humans. I can’t really prove the vampires part, not without putting you in danger.”

Mom must have seen something in her face, because she said:

“Okay, let’s say I believe you. Let’s say for a minute that I buy that you’re a Vampire Slayer, which I don’t even know exactly what that means. I just – honey, are you sure you're a Slayer? I mean, have you tried _not_ being a Slayer?”

Well. Apparently some things were universal.

“It doesn’t work like that, Mom, I told you. Mystical destiny, Chosen by fate.”

“But why?”

“Nobody knows how Slayers are Chosen,” Buffy said.

“Is it because you didn’t have a strong father figure?”

“I was raised entirely by a man, and I was still called,” Kendra said. Buffy squeezed her hand in thanks.

“But why does it have to be you? Can’t someone else do it?”

“Because we have the power and the skills,” Buffy said. “Other people can kill vampires, but not as well as us, and chances are, they’ll die in the attempt.”

“With great power, comes great responsibility,” Dawn’s voice came around the corner.

Buffy rolled her eyes.

“Stop eavesdropping, squirt!” she called. There was no noise, which meant Dawn hadn’t moved.

“But you are _my daughter_ , and I can’t lose you,” Mom said, looking upset.

“I’m sorry,” Buffy said. “I know it sucks.”

There really was nothing else she could say to make it better. She couldn’t promise to stay safe.

“Well, I don’t like it,” Mom said.

“I know, but I have to do it. If I don’t then Sunnydale will be even more dangerous, and there will still be demons seeking me out because I’m the Slayer. I hate to say it, but in this case, the best defense is a good offense.”

Mom took a calming breath. Buffy was honestly astounded at how well it had gone. Maybe Mom didn’t want to flip in front of Kendra – although she hadn’t minded Spike being there last time. But that was maybe a different situation. The lack of alcoholic drinks in the conversation probably helped as well.

“Well, things are going to change. If you must do the Slayer thing, then you will have rules, there will be order. I will have to talk to someone in authority who knows about this.”

“It’s Giles, the librarian,” Buffy said. “And we’re already as safe as we can be. And I have Kendra now to back me up.”

“And before Kendra?”

Yeah, Buffy was going to have to tread carefully here – she wasn’t going anywhere near the whole drowning thing.

“I was on my own. But Kendra came to help me with something big, and we worked well together, so we decided to keep it like this instead.”

“Well, I’m not happy about it.”

“You don’t have to be,” Buffy said. “You just have to accept it.”

That had gone really well, and with minimal lying even. But there were still so many secrets she was keeping, and so many lies she’d told, so many lies she was letting the people she loved believe.

*

She wondered if Spike and Drusilla were going to bring back Acathla, or if that had been mostly Angelus? She knew Spike hadn’t been too keen on it, since he’d then changed his mind and worked with them to stop it, but maybe he’d been all for it to start, or had allowed Drusilla to persuade him and only later had a change of heart. He was, after all, love’s bitch, in his own words. Buffy had considered asking Miss Calendar or Willow to re-soul him, if they had the spell ready. It was a terrible thing to do to him – not only would it take away his chance to make the choice to get his soul back, but it would also deprive him of the possibility of true happiness. All the same, he was a good ally to have, and a good babysitter.

Giles got called in to consult on a mysterious sarcophagus, and the warning bells in Buffy’s head were less like bells, and more like klaxons.

“It needs to go back,” she said. “Giles, that stone is seriously bad news. Destroy it, bury it, I don’t care. Just don’t let anyone take it.”

“Have you had a Slayer dream?” he asked. “I thought they were usually more symbolic.”

“Yes,” Buffy lied. “And this was pretty symbolic, and all the symbols pointed to badness.”

“Have you had any such dreams?” Giles asked Kendra.

“No,” she said. “But I trust Buffy. Her dreams are usually more vivid than mine.”

She said it with such conviction, as if her belief in Buffy was unshakable. Buffy felt like the absolute worst person in the world. Maybe not the very worst – she was, after all, trying to save it, but she felt pretty bad.

*

“I haven’t been having dreams,” Buffy said abruptly. She was curled up in Kendra’s lap after a patrol – they should both be sleeping, and technically Kendra shouldn’t even be in her room, but they liked to take some time after Slaying to settle down (or not settle down, as the case may be).

“I’m sorry?” Kendra asked sleepily, clearly not really with it. It was kind of adorable.

“Slayer dreams. I mean, I have them, but not every time I’ve said I did. And they’re usually much more with the fuzzy and less with the details than I’ve been pretending.”

“I don’t understand,” Kendra said, and Buffy felt a stab of guilt. “Your predictions have been right, so you must have _something_. What have you been having if not dreams? Some kind of premonitions? Can you see the future?”

Buffy shook her head.

“Then how can you know what’s going to happen before it happens?”

“I’ve lived this before,” she confessed in a small voice. So small she had to repeat it, because the first time, Kendra couldn’t actually hear her.

“You’ve traveled in time?” Kendra asked. She took a moment to digest this. “Was it deliberate?”

“Yes,” Buffy said. She wanted to say more, to explain about the mass calling, about Dawn, about the apocalypse (all of them, but especially the final one, the one that had finally broken them), but the words weren’t coming. Kendra also didn’t say anything.

“It must have been pretty bad,” Kendra said. “That you would go to such extreme lengths.”

“It was,” Buffy managed to squeeze out. Kendra tightened her hold around Buffy.

“Where was I?” she asked.

Buffy said nothing. There was nothing she could say.

“I see,” said Kendra. Her voice was flat, even more devoid of feeling than usual. Buffy had gotten used to reading emotion into the subtlest of Kendra’s inflections, but she couldn’t read it now. She didn’t say anything for some time, just held Buffy.

“Will you tell me what happened,” she asked finally. “What did I do wrong?”

“I don’t know,” Buffy had to confess. “It was Drusilla. She attacked the library – I wasn’t there – I came back to find it in ruins, Xander and Willow unconscious, and you –” she still couldn’t say it. “I don’t know how it happened. Maybe you were trying to protect them. Maybe the vampires overwhelmed you. Drusilla has a thrall. Maybe that’s how she got you. In a fair fight, you would win, definitely. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I know I have to be careful now,” Kendra said. “She will not get the better of me, again.”

They sat for a few minutes more.

“And the thing with your mother, at the hospital? You had a feeling about something bad coming?”

“A hell goddess. She’s in a mortal body. I don’t know who, there’s a spell on it to protect whoever it is. I don’t even know if it has anything to do with the hospital – I just had a feeling, and then went with it.”

“I trust your feelings,” Kendra said.

“Even now you know half of them are fake?”

“Even now.”

Buffy had never really understood the Catholic tradition of confession, but she thought she got it now. Hearing Kendra say those words felt like absolution, like everything was fixed.

*

Kendra, predictably, thought they should tell Giles, but she accepted that Buffy had reasons why she wouldn’t want to. She didn’t even press Buffy on what those reasons might be. She’d come so far in such a short amount of time.

She did insist that she would come along any time Buffy or anyone in the family had to go to the hospital, knowing that there may potentially be a connection to a hell goddess somewhere in the hospital. Buffy didn’t argue. She actually thought it was quite nice, to have Kendra there for support.

Buffy insisted on several follow-up appointments, to make sure no blood vessels were thinning and might rupture. The surgery this time had been much less invasive than last time, so there were fewer risks, but Buffy wasn’t taking any chances.

She was especially glad to have Kendra there when it turned out Mom had an evening appointment. She was doubly glad when it turned out Drusilla and Spike with their retinue (this time of only five others) had taken to stalking the hospital after dark.

There were worse places to battle vampires than a hospital waiting room, but not that many. Well, she thought, pushing a minion onto Kendra’s stake, if anyone of the patients or doctors who were desperately trying to move out of the way of the fight _did_ claim to have seen people turn into dust in the middle of Sunnydale Memorial, the mental ward wasn’t that far away.

Drusilla was trying to put the thrall on Ben, the medical student who was going to be an intern looking after Mom. She hurried across the room, throwing Spike into a wall on her way, trying to save him. And then Drusilla leaned back, looking a cross between put out and intrigued.

“I have never met a two-souled person before,” she said. For a moment, Buffy thought she saw Ben turn into someone else, a blonde woman with a face that had haunted Buffy’s nightmares.

Later she would ask herself if she had imagined it. Later, she would ask herself if she’d let herself read too much into Drusilla’s comment about the two-souled. Later, she would ask herself if her split second hesitation was what had killed Ben.

And then she’d ask herself: was Glory actually gone? Was it that simple? Had there been a way to kill Glory without killing Ben? She suspected she’d never know.

She shook herself out of her frozen moment to see Kendra throw herself at Drusilla. Kendra, who’d seen Drusilla stick her fangs into to what she thought was an innocent. Kendra, who knew that in another life, Drusilla had been the one to kill her. Kendra, who was determined to prove herself. Buffy barely had the chance to react, to throw herself into the fight, to protect Kendra. But Kendra didn’t need protecting. Kendra struck, and struck true. 

Drusilla was gone. Dust.

The other vampires, including Spike, fled shortly after that. They’d probably destroyed all hope of ever getting Spike to work with them by dusting Drusilla. In fact, he was probably going to swear vengeance against them and try harder than ever to kill them. Maybe they’d have to dust him, too. But even if they did, it was worth it. 

Of course, Kendra’s survival wasn’t guaranteed, any more than Buffy’s was, just because they’d managed to kill, in one night, both the ones who’d killed them in the previously timeline. There was still the Mayor who needed to be dealt with, and the Initiative, and from there, well… From there, Buffy had probably changed enough that she didn’t know what was coming. They’d just deal with things as they came, Buffy and Kendra together. The future stretched out in front of her, unknown, and unseen.


End file.
